do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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