And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
