I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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