This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
