I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
kristin has been a bad kristin
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
