they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
