drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
