Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
