walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
