they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
