Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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