I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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