whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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