what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
