Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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