oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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