I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
