I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
