why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
