weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
