is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize