dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
