hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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