So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
