I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
