there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
