Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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