the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
