she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
