Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
