I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize