I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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