you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
