Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
