You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
