Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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