do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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