grandma shit on top of the toilet
someone owes me an orgasm
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
