walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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