I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love you.
Bad choice
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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