after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize