oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
