i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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