Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
