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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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