If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
