new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
