too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
