just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
