So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
