Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
