Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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