yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
