Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
