my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
