the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
