meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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