I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
