my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
