my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
