you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
