Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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