i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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