My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
