I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
