I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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