I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
