Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize