you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
