i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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