Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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