it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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