I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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