my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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