oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it because I queefed?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
