Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
