i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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