Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
